I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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