Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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