HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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