you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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