And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it's like iHOP with fire
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
