"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
