I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
