remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
