All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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