I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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