hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
