If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
