is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
