now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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