Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize