cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
