Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
