My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
