Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
