I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
