9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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