Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
