Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Let's get the cat blown out
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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