My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
