chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
