she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
