would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize