Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
