Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
