You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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