Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
