I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
