you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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