Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
