Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
