oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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