drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
