Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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