Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
