planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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