I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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