tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize