I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
