The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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