Having a random hookup so left but love u
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
