I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
