well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
