she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
