K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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