My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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