so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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