I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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