Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
