actually, I'm a sock model
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
