i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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