There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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