This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
