Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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