I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
