I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
