guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
