Will you blow on my dice?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
