That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
