I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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