Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
