....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
